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“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” James 1:27

Physical Needs

Housing (sometimes the women are kicked out of their parents' home or are fully dependent on their boyfriends), medical care; maternity clothes, nutritional food (WIC program helps with this), baby clothes and equipment (such as strollers, car seats, high chairs), diapers, formula, and baby food

Relationship Needs

• She may need help talking to her family and church family in asking forgiveness of her sexual sin.  

• She may need referrals if she decides for adoption.  

• Her family and church family can be a real support to her during this time, but you may need to be instrumental in helping to orchestrate that.  

• Others may need to be taught their responsibility to forgive and support – Gal 6:1-10; 2 Co 2:5-11.  

• She may need help biblically dealing with the father/boyfriend and establishing a biblical view of “dating” and purity - 1 Tim 5:1-2; Eph 5:3 .)

Phil 4:19 — And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Matt 7:7-11 — Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.  Or what man is there among you]who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he?  If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!

Help all others connected with the abortion.

• The father of the unborn child (guilt for somehow not preventing the abortion;  anger for an abortion against his will.)

• Parents of both the mother and father of the unborn child (guilt for encouraging or demanding the abortion;  anger and grief for not knowing until it was too late to stop the abortion)

• Older siblings of the aborted child (didn’t they want us either?)

Help her to acknowledge the aborted child or children.

• Recognize the humanness of the aborted child.  (Some suggest naming the baby a generic name to give identity, having a private memorial service for the baby, writing a poem, planting a tree, or creating art in honor of the child.  Writing a letter might be beneficial as long as it is not seen as communication with the dead child, but only as an expression of the mother’s emotions.)

• Comfort with Jesus’ Words about children.  Mt 19:14, Lk 18:16  (I personally believe that aborted children will be in Heaven with the Lord.  David believed that his infant son would also be there and he would be with him someday – 2 Sa 12:23.  God is just and merciful!  - Eze 18.)

Homework ideas:

• Understanding her emotions and issues through doing the “Nightly Journal” Assignment.  Ask her to write out what she is thinking and feeling, what she fears, and learn to biblically address it

• Help her to understand the sanctification process and how God sees her in Christ.  Php 1:6, Eph 1, col 2:10-14; Ro 8:1-2, 28-29.  (This concept is essential in helping her to move past her self-condemnation.)

• Have her read Leaving Yesterday Behind – A Victim No More by William L. Hines and/or Living in Forgiveness by Sandy Day

Help her consider adoption as a good loving option from various biblical angles.

• Michal (David’s first wife) 2 Sa 6:23 cf 21:8 (She had no children, but reared five sons as her own)

• Options – Ps 113:9

• Private vs. Adoption Agency

• Open vs. closed 

• Resources

• The Cradle, Evanston – Adoption Hotline for crisis pregnancies and for couples opting for adoption – 1-800-272-3534;  www.cradle.org
• Baptist Children’s Home, Valparaiso, IN – 1-219-462-4111
• Loving and Caring, Lancaster, PA – 1-717-293-3230

• Homework ideas:

• “My Baby and Me (5 decision-making workbooks for unwed Moms)

• Bible Study on Christian decision making by Wayne Mack

• “Knowing the Will of God,” Homework Manual Vol. 1, page 86.

Some of the very issues to abort are solved if a godly family will adopt; Financial needs of mother and baby through pregnancy can be paid for. Realize, one of the only ways that the mother will be able to carry the baby to term and then adopt out to a family is if she is convinced it is the most loving thing for the baby in her situation. (many times they change their mind; this means she will need to hear the good and loving reasons to consider adoption and, if she chooses this, be repeatedly affirmed in this decision; manytimes realize it is the best choice to adopt out considering all the facts

How can we help the infertile couple, or ones with miscarriage or a still birth?

• Hannah – 1 Sa 1 (Understanding her deep sorrow and pain.)

• Resource:  

Stepping Stones Newsletter edited by Dr. and Mr. John Van Regenmorter

1804 S. Emerson
Denver, CO 80210

Christian Adoption & Family Services, Snowflake Embryo Adoption Program

1698 Greenbriar Lane
Suite 210, Brea, CA 92821

714-529-2949
[email protected]

• Counseling issues:  fear, anger, control, misunderstanding the character of God

• Homework:  “Childless”  The hurt and the hope by Beth Spring